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Reason for leaving: FED UP!

I have given in. I have lost the battle. I have never had such a greater range of emotion all at one time. Anger, hatred, relief, shame, happiness, sorrow, exaltation, guilt, that along with a queasy stomach, a pounding head ache, a lump in my throat and holding back tears in my eyes.

I have quit the post office.



I had initially made it my goal to go until my birthday on Jan 30 and them give myself a birthday present by quiting that crush on my time, my psyche, my life. But I couldn't do it. I feel so let down by myself. I want to curl up in a ball and cry that I didn't have what it took to do this task. How weak I am.

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( 40 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
kumazuki
Dec. 11th, 2007 08:51 am (UTC)
Thank you Papa. I know there are more challenges around every corner. It is that this one is just hitting me a little harder that some.

thegreenbear
Dec. 11th, 2007 09:07 am (UTC)
I hardley think so.
It would be easy to try and say something comforting and philosophical meaning to help. I fear such an attempt would fail miserably.

So I will say this...

There are some things we encounter in this life that do not need to be completed. Such things are nothing more than pointless exercises in useless futility. If ANYTHING reaches the point where it crushes you and your spirit and makes you feel less than your true worth, then it should not be tolerated any longer. Shedding it is like dropping a heavy anvil someone gave you that you didn't really want. It slowed you down, made you miserable, and the only person you held on to it for was someone else. It was a burden that NEEDED to be dropped. Your quitting was NOT a sign of weakness, but perhaps rather a showing of strength and refusal to be squashed any longer. This isn't spinning or justifying. If that was the case, you would have thought this all out before you dropped this anvil. It is the spirit retaliating in defiance of unlawful odds that makes us stand and assert our will to live. Don't confuse such a thing for weakness. Weakness would have been continuing to suffer though it KNOWING what it was doing to you physically and emotionally. You didn't do that. You, the real you, took control and you did what you knew you should have done a while back. You're not weak. Your just not accustomed to feeling your spine flex that muscle. It's scary, isn't it? When that inner self puts its foot down, even if you tell it not to? That is a strength, Scott. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

musicbearmn
Dec. 11th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC)
Re: I hardley think so.
Amen. Exactly what I was thinking!

YOU ARE NOT WEAK! YOU ARE NOT WEAK! YOU ARE NOT, NOT NOT WEAK!

Re: I hardley think so. - kumazuki - Dec. 12th, 2007 02:10 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: I hardley think so. - musicbearmn - Dec. 12th, 2007 01:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: I hardley think so. - kumazuki - Dec. 12th, 2007 02:20 am (UTC) - Expand
gryphons_hole
Dec. 11th, 2007 09:07 am (UTC)
Breathe.

Then fall into my arms...
I will catch you.
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 02:06 am (UTC)
What could I have done to deserve such friendship? I truly am not worthy of.
(no subject) - gryphons_hole - Dec. 12th, 2007 09:10 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kumazuki - Dec. 12th, 2007 02:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
herrkub
Dec. 11th, 2007 09:13 am (UTC)
I haven't commented much on your journal, but I have been reading. I know that you will land on your feet. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. *warm bear hugs*
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 02:03 am (UTC)
Thank you letting me know you are there. Lika another gardian Angel watching me from afar and sending hugs when I need them. Thank you very much.
bc_bigguy
Dec. 11th, 2007 09:29 am (UTC)
It was a job not a career. It was draining the life outta you. Don't beat yourself up.. Sounds like you're heading for some changes in your life... It's awesome that you can take the time and cry.... will help you move forward faster.

Money is good but it's not everything.
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 02:00 am (UTC)
You are a very insightful man! I look forward to keeping an eye on your journal. Thank you for for let me kn ow you are thinking of me.
blachubear
Dec. 11th, 2007 10:04 am (UTC)
You might have made the right move, if that job was really push you to the edge, then it was time to go. You might need some time off before you do anything else. Don't let it get you down. Take care & Big Bear Hugs.
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:55 am (UTC)
Thank you for the big hugs. They are greatly appriciated.
Now, I will be moving along with too many projects that I put aside for this Post office job.
grimmbear
Dec. 11th, 2007 10:32 am (UTC)
There is no reason to feel bad. It's far worse for you to stay and impact your health (both mental and nphysical) with the stress load.
There have been to many deaths in the community lately. Lets all try to stay alive as long as we can.
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:52 am (UTC)
Yes, I agree! We have lost too many friends. Thank you for supporting me and my decision.
(Deleted comment)
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:49 am (UTC)
Tony, I now have more time to work on my crafts and sewing. I thank you greatly for your support of me.
okcuffs
Dec. 11th, 2007 01:03 pm (UTC)
There is no need to beat yourself up over it at all. The setting of personal goals is great, but not all can be achieved. You gave it your best shot and made the right choice for you. You must take care of yourself. How is the weather up there for you guys?
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:47 am (UTC)
John, thank you for your support. I am trying to move along..

On an other subject, Olivier sent me pictures of the ice down there in OKC, I was overwhelmed. I hope you stayed in the house and kept warm. Here is has not been bad at all. So far, just rain, no ice yet. cross your fingers....
lothithil
Dec. 11th, 2007 01:12 pm (UTC)
Don't torture yourself about it. Thirty-odd days from now, you could easily have been angry with yourself for wasting a month of your precious life.

Consider it an early birthday present: 50 day of crap-free living!

I wouldn't say 'no' to a gift like that! :-)

((((Kuma))))
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:42 am (UTC)
That is my Cat...

"Always look on the bright side of life. *whistle whistle*"
quirkstreet
Dec. 11th, 2007 01:41 pm (UTC)
This month a couple of years ago I was stuck in a job that I hated ... it started okay five years before that but the last two years went really sour. And I kept telling myself I should stick it out and not be weak.

I felt so much better when I finally realized it wasn't me being weak .... and that staying there was going to make me weaker and weaker as in really ill.

You sound strong to me for realizing there are better places to put your strength.
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:40 am (UTC)
I know that this was killing me. Maybe not literaly, but I was starting to go stark raving mad. I am glad that you found the the strength to leave a job after 5 years. I was only there 5 months. Thank you for your wisdom.
(Deleted comment)
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:32 am (UTC)
Thank you for your support and insight. Change is not an easy thing. This has given me pause and experiance.
bygbrat
Dec. 11th, 2007 04:52 pm (UTC)
some people live their whole lives never realizing they are hating where they are and don't have the courage to change. i hope you find a sunnier place around the corner up ahead. hugs.
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:27 am (UTC)
There are sunnier places on the horizon, thanks for the hugs....
cub_by_dzine
Dec. 11th, 2007 05:51 pm (UTC)
Sorry bud. I know we haven't really chatted at all, but I know how it feels to have given your all and not achieved what you'd set out to do.

You'll pick up again =) Good luck to you *big hugs*
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:23 am (UTC)
We have lots of time to get to know eachother. Thank you for your kind words.

Edited at 2007-12-12 01:24 am (UTC)
akira96
Dec. 11th, 2007 07:26 pm (UTC)
It's alright, sweetie.

*hugs*
kumazuki
Dec. 12th, 2007 01:18 am (UTC)
Thanks, hugs are always helpful.
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